Best kind of gift

I agree and disagree with you Inez. I do not give to organized charities because I am paying public relations people to put intellectually insulting ads on radio and television and sending barely one penny of my dollar to the needy. I think charities are as obnoxious and grasping as merchants during this season. I have a friend who goes with her children to a soup kitchen to help serve every Christmas. My own feeling is connected to my observations about Tikkum Okam in my previous post. I need to learn to give of myself freely for the joy it gives me and for nothing else all year round. That is my debt to the world that I must pay because I am human. Perhaps because I am Jewish Christmas does not compel me to give any more than a week from next Tuesday.However, we live in a fractured, imperfect world and life moves so fast we often forget to tell those we care about how dear they are to us. It is good to have a time of year to do that. The atmosphere at Christmas, the beauty of the lights, the magnificence of the music fills me with a remarkable, ever-fresh surge of happiness at being alive and among others celebrating our connection with one another. I have no advice on what to teach your children. I have been spending time with a young lady who has made a career of taking from others and I think that is so very sad because she has lost herself. I think perhaps the answer is to teach our children that participating in human experiences is the real gift we share with one another. All that pressure to buy buy buy and take take take and all the emphasis an what you deserve because you are young, old, infirm, green, black or blue is all part of the brainwashing this coundtry fosters. So think small; think kindness; think connection...... and have a happy holiday .

What is real?

My friend Tamryn and I have been discussing the ramifications of Munchausen's disease and carrying it a step beyond a mother creating symptoms that convince her child and others that he is sick. I expand it to include the Oh My God illnesses everyone has and does not realize is their "out" for avoiding an uncomfortable situation. I have certainly done this altogether too many times and I will never forget when I was in Redwood City and had re-devloped my anorexic symptoms (fixating on the food I ate, weighing myself continually, skipping meals and pretending I wasn't hungry) I told this to the receptionist in my dentist's office and she said, "Well you must be getting your cookies from it somewhere."It pulled me up short and I thought, "No more. If I cannot face a situation, I will admit to it ..no head ache, no stomach ache, no focusing on food (or drink or my dogs or the weather) to divert me from the problem at hand." This vow has freed me in many ways because I know now that if I do NOT say the no's I need to say, my body will say them for me. It takes a great deal of playing the part to convince your body that it never wins the war but once you do, you feel so much more honest about the life you have chosen to live.

Making the world a better place

I just saw a movie that explored our need to be spiritually centered and talked about the Jewish mandate Tikkum Olam which means to make the world a better place. Each time we do a good thing: water a flower, help a struggling child, send a thoughtful wish....all these things make the world lovelier for us all EVEN IF YOU AS THE DOER RECEIVE NO RETURN.
During the holiday season we often give gifts because we feel we need to and receive gifts without giving thought to the care (or lack of it) of the giver. Instead, we must give for the simple joy of giving. I return as an example to the incident with Renee and the car. I gave to her in many more ways than these blogs tell. I offered my home to her to increase sales at her dress shop, I gave her the things I created to stock the shop and she not only did not value them, she destroyed them. I gave her a car to drive before she had paid for it and never, even in the court case when she refused to pay me, asked for interest on that money. Until I saw that movie, I felt a total fool; but now I realize I was not. My mistake was to expect this woman to even notice what I did for her. According to my religion, I was doing nothing for her alone. I was attempting to make the world sweeter.
After I lost the appeal because of prejudice on the part of the judge I was and still am horrified that a bigot like that man ( Richard Romanski) should be in a position of power. Now that I understand the concept of Tikkum Olam, perhaps MY reaction was the wrong one. I did what every human being who inhabits the planet must do. I improved the world. If Renee polluted it and Richard Romanski soured it , no matter. Their blasphemies must not stop my own obligation to do Tikkum Olam. I have to believe my deeds balanced and hopefully superceded theirs. My gifts were not to them alone. The outcome of my actions is immaterial to the need to spread goodness. I hope that makes sense. It does to me and I feel much better about this horrible experience of coming to terms with a justice system that isn't just. I am less determined to keep my guard up against others and more disposed to continue throwing out my sugar ...the kind that contains no calories, only smiles. Happy holidays.

Making the world a better place

I just saw a movie that explored our need to be spiritually centered and talked about the Jewish mandate Tikkum Olam which means to make the world a better place. Each time we do a good thing: water a flower, help a struggling child, send a thoughtful wish....all these things make the world lovelier for us all EVEN IF YOU AS THE DOER RECEIVE NO RETURN.
During the holiday season we often give gifts because we feel we need to and receive gifts without giving thought to the care (or lack of it) of the giver. Instead, we must give for the simple joy of giving. I return as an example to the incident with Renee and the car. I gave to her in many more ways than these blogs tell. I offered my home to her to increase sales at her dress shop, I gave her the things I created to stock the shop and she not only did not value them, she destroyed them. I gave her a car to drive before she had paid for it and never, even in the court case when she refused to pay me, asked for interest on that money. Until I saw that movie, I felt a total fool; but now I realize I was not. My mistake was to expect this woman to even notice what I did for her. According to my religion, I was doing nothing for her alone. I was attempting to make the world sweeter.
After I lost the appeal because of prejudice on the part of the judge I was and still am horrified that a bigot like that man ( Richard Romanski) should be in a position of power. Now that I understand the concept of Tikkum Olam, perhaps MY reaction was the wrong one. I did what every human being who inhabits the planet must do. I improved the world. If Renee polluted it and Richard Romanski soured it , no matter. Their blasphemies must not stop my own obligation to do Tikkum Olam. I have to believe my deeds balanced and hopefully superceded theirs. My gifts were not to them alone. The outcome of my actions is immaterial to the need to spread goodness. I hope that makes sense. It does to me and I feel much better about this horrible experience of coming to terms with a justice system that isn't just. I am less determined to keep my guard up against others and more disposed to continue throwing out my sugar ...the kind that contains no calories, only smiles. Happy holidays.

Letting Go

I wonder where we need to draw the line between standing up for ourselves and letting go of the abuse all of us must endure as we plod through life. To catch my readers up on the status of the appeal I lost, I applied for a re-hearing because of a miscarriage of justice and the presiding judge George Miram sent my request back to the pro-tem judge Richard Romanski who had ignored my documentation of the car sale and decided against me. And so Miram's injustice is added to the original affront. The lawyer who promised to help me if my appeal for a re-hearing backed out and I find myself consumed with hatred. Fury at Renee for lying and winning, driving my car without paying, lying in court and succeeding, fury at Richard Romanski who ignored written documentation proving our agreement, anger at George Miram for being so insensitive he sent my appeal to the very man who "did me in" to decide if there was basis for a re-hearing, fury at a system that says it will protect the elderly and does not respond unless the senior is dead and anger at lawyers who won't touch a case unless it means hundreds of thousands in fees to them.
This judgement goes far beyond the 1600 dollars this woman owes me in court. It proves that anyone who screams loud and long can take anything they want away from another who is weaker and more vulnerable. It proves that a man who is prejudiced against the elderly (or could it be Jews...I hate to think THAT is still an issue) has the power to act on his bias in a court that is supposed to protect its citizens.
My conclusion is this: Renee and everyone like her has won in this society. She is free to abuse others, steal from them and lie at will and no one will try to stop her because she has no scruples about manipulating truth.
What have I learned? It is a sad lesson: I need to try to live my life as carefully as I can because anyone and everyone can cheat, steal and abuse me and I have no protection whatsoever. It is a very frightening assesment of our society but it is sadly a true one. Now when someone is kind to me I recoil and refuse because I fear they will turn the favor they have offered against me. It has happened too many times before.
They say that a government is judged by how they treat the elderly and the poor. I am both.
And I will always lose.